i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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