I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
