Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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