If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
