I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
