I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
