He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
