I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
