bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
