I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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