I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
