Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
