Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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