apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
