i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
