Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
