Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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