Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
