so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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