i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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