Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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