A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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