Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
where are my eyebrows?
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