i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
