Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
