I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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