I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
