champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
