also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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