Can Purell be used as lube?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
