I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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