well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
