I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
