sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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