you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
