I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
