i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
