I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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