I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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