Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
