i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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