Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
