I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
