I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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