I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
