he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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