STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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