Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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