Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
