His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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