Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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