you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
