I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
