i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
