I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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