Cold hands, warm shart.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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