I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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