wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
