Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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