I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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