We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's blow job season.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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