Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize