woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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