I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
