You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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