There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
