Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my shit smells like andre
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
