my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
