just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dignity is for republicans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
