I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
