I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
