My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
