wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
