so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize