if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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