i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
