I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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