ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
